Many people commit to bdsm dating but don’t actually know what it stands for, what they are looking for or who they are planning on meeting. BDSM can also be recognised as S&M, power play or S/M. They all mean the same thing, but it’s important to know what each letter reflects in your dating preferences.
This is a collaboration post.
Here is an easy explanation of what BDSM dating actually means you’re looking for…
B stands for…bondage
Being someone’s servant, property or worker. It means you are not free and you have to work for someone else’s satisfaction.
D stands for…dominance and and discipline
Dominance is having the power over someone else and being an influencer. Discipline is training someone to abide by a certain set of rules.
S in BDSM dating stands for…submission and sadism
Submission is being accepting of a more dominant force. Sadism is the one that many people don’t initially understand. It means to have the tendency to derive pleasure from inflicting pain, suffering or humiliation on others.
M stands for…masochism
Masochism is gaining pleasure from receiving pain, suffering or humiliation.
I had several friends wanting to experiment with this style of dating after watching the hugely popular phenomenon ’50 Shades of Grey’, but they changed their mind once they saw how romanticised the movie made it look.
One friend however has been committed to this style of dating for several years, and recently wed her partner. It doesn’t mean that you are both not looking for some form of two-way relationship, it just means that you have a different way of experiencing pleasure in your sexual relationship.
I used to see BDSM as simply bondage and dominance, and thought it sounded like a nice way of ‘spicing up’ your sex life with your partner. There’s so much more to it than that. You both have to want it and consent to it. It DOES NOT mean that you are forced or pressurised into doing anything you don’t want to do.
There are 3 roles you may play in the BDSM dating community: sub, dom or switch. Identify what you are looking to be before making ANY initial choices. Here’s a brief explanation of each:
Sub – or bottoms submits to any request whether it be being tied up, whipped or performing an act for the dom.
Dom – calls all the shots and is the MASTER.
Switch – likes to perform both roles, and commits to dating somebody who also likes to switch roles every now and again.
You can safely date in this way by following these tips:
- Make clear boundaries beforehand
- Talk about possible scenarios and explain them in detail
- Understand limitations
- Make a ‘safe’ word to stop any situation you do not feel comfortable with come to an end
It’s so important to get involved in this style of dating safely, confidently and understanding the ins and outs of exactly what to expect.
So the next time your overhear someone saying: “My BDSM Hookups were sensational last night. A real ’50 Shades of Grey moment'” you will know exactly what they mean.
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