Are you concerned about how your child is handling your divorce? In this article we’ll discuss how open should you be when it comes to your children.
A divorce is a period of high emotions for both parents and children. Although as parents you want to protect your child from the impact a divorce will have on their lives, it’s important to be open and honest about the situation.
Children often become confused, angry, distressed, and divided when their parents separate. Whilst children law solicitors can decide matters like living arrangements, financial matters, and parental rights, the emotional toll of a divorce on a child is the responsibility of the parents.
It can be easy for a child’s feelings to be overlooked or dismissed, due to the process of divorce being overwhelming for parents. In this article, we will discuss the impact of divorce on children and how open you as a parent should be regarding the divorce.
How Divorce Can Impact Children
A divorce will change nearly every aspect of your child’s lives and can feel traumatic. Children often exhibit very emotional responses to divorce, whether that is sadness, anger or anxiety. The impact that a divorce can have may vary depending on the age of the child involved.
An infant, for example, is likely to be able to feel tension within their home and become clingy, irritable, and overly emotional. Parents have even noticed that some babies who have been through a divorce can experience a developmental delay.
Here are just a few of the effects a divorce can have on a child:
- Guilt, believing they are the cause of the divorce
- Struggling to sleep
- Regressing back to old habits
- Expressing anger
- Nightmares
- Acting out, for instance skipping school or fighting with other children
- Placing blame
- Stress causing physical symptoms like a headache or stomach ache
- Feelings of abandonment
How to be Open with Your Children About Your Divorce
One of the best ways to support your child during a divorce is through open communication. Children will often pick up on negative feelings which, if left unaddressed, can lead to them feeling nervous, anxious, or depressed.
To avoid this, take the time to carefully discuss the divorce with your child and regularly have open and honest conversations with them about how they may be feeling. Listening is a massive part of communication and in many ways it’s the most important.
When getting a divorce, it’s important that you and your partner (with the exception of situations involving issues like abuse) work collaboratively to talk to your child/children about it.
The age of the children involved will often dictate how open you are regarding the details of the divorce. However, it’s important that they each receive some sort of explanation as to why their lives are changing so dramatically. This will prevent them from feeling responsible or guilty about the divorce.
If you have multiple children of different ages, it is important to initially discuss the situation with everyone present so there is no confusion, although you should then follow this with individual conversations to make sure you are addressing the needs of each child personally.
What Should You Keep Private?
Although it’s important to be open with your children, there are some things that should stay private.
For example, before talking to your child about your divorce it’s important that you set aside any negative feeling you have towards your ex-partner. Whilst you may have a lot of emotions towards your ex, they are still your child’s parent and are likely to be involved in their life moving forward. Again, with the exception of difficult situations like domestic abuse or child abuse.
Talking badly of your child’s other parent in front of them may lead to anger and cause them to place blame. This is not the best way to move forward and will only hurt your child further in the long run.
Additionally, your children don’t always need to know every detail of the divorce. For example, depending on the age of the child involved, they may not need to know about the details of an affair.
For young children particularly, it’s important to discuss matters in a way that they will understand. This often includes only talking about things that will directly impact their lives, for example who they will be living with and who is picking them up from school.
Keep an open dialogue during your divorce…
Divorce can be a delicate topic and, when it comes to supporting your child, no parent wants to make a mistake.
It’s important to have an open dialogue with your children about the divorce. This will give them the space to talk to you about any concerns or questions they have, preventing them from feeling isolated or abandoned.
However, telling you children every single detail about this difficult situation can cause them to place blame, and direct their anger and frustrations to one parent. Your child loves both of their parents and, as they will likely be spending a lot of time with each, these feelings of blame and anger can make their lives much more difficult.
In all instances it’s important that your and your partner are on the same page regarding what to tell your children. Put their needs fist and find a balance that suits your circumstances.
Please be advised that this article is for general informational purposes only, and should not be used as a substitute for advice from a trained legal professional. Be sure to consult a lawyer/solicitor if you’re seeking advice on divorce. We are not liable for risks or issues associated with using or acting upon the information on this site.
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